Grief

Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes. -Gloria Naylor

GriefGrief\ (gr[=e]f), n. [OE. grief, gref, OF. grief, gref, F. grief, L. gravis heavy; akin to Gr. bary`s, Skr. guru, Goth. ka['u]rus. Cf. Barometer, Grave, a., Grieve, Gooroo.]
1. Pain of mind on account of something in the past; mental suffering arising from any cause, as misfortune, loss of friends, misconduct of one's self or others, etc.; sorrow; sadness.

This is how dictionary.com defines grief. I get that. Took me a long time, but I finally get it. What I don't get is how to explain it to my 15 year old daughter. I consider myself to be a fairly strong person. I think those that know me, would tend to agree. I've had a lot of life experience and tried to learn from every situation, so I handle things pretty well--mentally and emotionally. Tonite, the angry monster that is grief, hit me right upside the head. Hard.

I was chatting with a friend and trying to comfort her in her grief and I got an email from my daughter. She was sitting around the corner from me on the other computer and sent me a gut-wrenching email about my dad and then bolted for her bed before I even read it. The subject said : Grandpa, i just needed to get it out. And the floodgates opened. By the time I got to the end of her email, I could barely make out the words on my screen. HOW in the WORLD was MY baby gurl sitting that close to me and hurting so bad and I not know it?!?!?! I know how. She is just like me. She wears her painted smile very well. While I am sad that she did not come to me to talk, I am so very glad that she is able to express her pain in some way. Grief is much better out than in.

Seems she is afraid of forgetting her Grandpa Dan. She was almost 5 when he passed away and I think she spent every single minute of her young life-glued to him. (Did I mention she is just like me?) I will always be a daddy's girl. I loved, loved, loved watching my baby gurl with my daddy. It was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen. I'm not sure which of the three of us reaped the most benefits of their relationship. I used to have to try to beat him home from work so I could spend time with her, because when he hit the back door, she was his. And if I was going to the store and attempted to take her with me? Well, that was just silly.

Over the past 10 1/2 years, I have talked with her about him, when she has asked. And she has also heard me tell others of her relationship with my dad and tonite, I found out that it is those conversations that are helping her keep his memory alive. As tough as her words were for me to read, they also were very affirming. They reminded me that we never "get over" our grief. (I didn't see a timetable in the definition) They reminded me that it is never "time" to stop talking about loved ones we have lost. They reminded me that I am not alone in my grief. And they reminded me that I can read that definition until I am blue in the face and I will never "get" grief.

Oh-almost forgot to mention...once I halfway pulled myself together, I went up to her room and laid beside her and cried right along with her. Sometimes, there just are no words....

Tonight, I am oh so thankful for God's reminder about grief....
Sorrow may last for the night. But His joy comes in the morning.
---Psalm 30 verse 5


In His AWESOME Grip,
CeeKay