I Don't Wanna Grow Up!

Ironic, isn't it? We spend the first half of our lives wishing for something to happen, and when it happens, we spend the remainder of our time, wishing it didn't.

We have a "communication center" in our kitchen. Three teenagers, all in sports, two different schools and four seasons..yeah, do the math. Anyway, my daughter has had her birthday countdown on the white board for quite some time and has been faithfully counting down the days. As I walked passed it today, I noticed it says "6 Days!!!". Her birthday is only 5 days away--seems she forgot to change it today. Having realized that, I paused and thought, "Oh, how I wish time would just stop and she would stay 6 days from being 15 for just a year or two more". As I watch her talk about turning 15, I can see the excitement and joy and the sense of freedom all over her face. And at the same time, I see the responsibility that is attached to that freedom.

While my baby gurl cannot wait to grow up, I find myself saying more and more that I don't want to grow up. I love, love, love, LOVE, LOVE my job. That part of being a grown up I can handle. I don't love all of the other "stuff" that comes with being grown up. Mainly, decisions. I am the world's worst when it comes to making a decision....about the simple things. My biggest enemy is meal time. What to have for lunch, dinner? Let the kids go to the carnival or stay home? Wear a jacket or don't wear a jacket?

And don't even get me started on paying bills. I can remember asking my mom for money when I was younger and when she would tell me she didn't have any, I would just say...come on, say it with me, you've all done it..."just write a check, mom". Oh, to be that naive again. To think that having checks meant I still had money. To think that having a house and lights and heat and air conditioning and water--just happened when you "grew up". I'll admit it--I was clueless.

I thought I grew up when I had my daughter...at the ripe old age of 19 3/4. Yeah! Right! Who was I kidding!?!?!! I learned rather quickly that we were going to grow up together. While it is true that being a parent requires A LOT, can I say that again...A LOT, of self-sacrifice, there is a lot more to growing up than that. I was still "the mom". I could still get my way--most of the time--when I wanted to. And as she got older, I gradually regained some freedom....some "me" time. Something which is very precious in the world of a single mother. And just when I thought I had officially achieved the rank of "grown up"...............I got married.

WOW! Talk about growing up. Goodness, it takes a lot of work to maintain a happy marriage. Again, the little things always snuck up on me. ....I KNOW I bought pop tarts at the store this week, WHERE did they go?......ugh, empty milk jug again? WHY didn't someone tell me?.....HE wants to golf, so I can't buy those shoes, just cuz they're cute?!..WHATEVER!....A western? On MY tv? Seriously?!....Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE my husband...I adore him...110%.....but, wow, did I ever have to grow up. Thank goodness God chose to bless me with a man after Job---there just is no other explanation for the extent of his patience with me.

And, so I come back to my daughter. Sitting here tonite, I am reminded why I was SOOO eager to grow up....even if the rewards are completely different than I thought they were going to be....in fact, they are better than I could have ever imagined. While it still saddens me that my little girl IS growing up, I, too, am excited for the rewards I know await her.

Maturity is not measured by the number of birthdays one has, rather by the amount of life one has experienced.

Until next time...
CeeKay